Growing Pains (Me)

I have a tendency to state things that to other people seem obvious, like "There are so many ants in the world! Think about it." I stand by these statements because even though everyone can generally accept that there are a lot of ants, when you think about the odds that one ant would even exist in all this random carbon bonding, and the odds that I am sentient enough to recognize that the number of ants in the world is astounding, it becomes less of an obvious statement. So bear with me.

I remember thinking at age 15 that I had arrived, that I was the person I would always be. I thought I was damn funny, and smart, and had it all figured out. Now at 22, I recognize how much I'm changing, and how I have the potential to change. It's alarming how much my eyes have opened (I mark this awakening since the beginning of college, go figure) and it's even more alarming as to what my eyes have begun to see.

Let's talk about work. I've been in school for the last 16 years. I know what a long day is, I know what it is to skip a meal because I'm so busy. But work? Work is having a similar task every day, for most of the day, for most of your life. Every day? That sucks. And most people work in the same place. Every day. They leave right after breakfast and come home right before dinner. I'm wrapping my mind around this. This means that they only get to see their significant other and their kids and their friends after dinner. Why do you marry someone if you only get to see them a quarter of the day? How can you get to know your kids if you come home, ask them "How was school?" they say "Fine" and then go do their homework? How is that satisfying?

And another thing. Money. Everyone tells you, "Do what you love and love what you do." But what if the job you love doesn't pay? What if you want to paint portraits of blind children? That certainly doesn't pay. But you need money to be comfortable, to make sure your house is properly outfitted, to provide transportation for yourself. I'm talking rudimentary things that make people happy, not iPads and Range Rovers. You need money, everyone does. So why are we encouraged to do jobs that don't pay for the basic necessities? Why isn't the mantra, "Suck it up, it's worth the money?"

So as I prepare to graduate college, I'm looking at spending most of my day possibly doing something I don't like in order to gain money so that I can live comfortably and happily with people I get to see in the evenings. I never thought about it this way.

And you're murmuring the solution to yourself right now - "Not every job sucks, and life doesn't just start when you're at home. You can enjoy yourself perfectly well at work, it's not a big deal." - you're probably right. The stars could align and I could get the perfect job for me and be contented every hour of my day. But the truth is that adult life is about learning to deal with being unhappy part-time. Unhappy.

So I'm thankful for the interviews I have right now, and I'm excited when I put on my little gray skirt suit. But the newness is going to wear off, and the money will start to not be enough, and then what?